Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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