im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
