she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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