How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
