It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
