I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
