Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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