At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
