What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
