I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
