Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Be still, my beating vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
