I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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