how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
