I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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