so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
