why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize