This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
