i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
