I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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