Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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