so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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