I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
