my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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