Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize