I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
