Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
