your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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