you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
