I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize