Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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