UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
