Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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