the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He better not be in your backpack
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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