@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
not ubering you a puppy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
