How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
