He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
