I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
