yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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