i just had sex bonerless
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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