I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize