She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize