i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
