the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
