dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
