So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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