the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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