I love black thongs
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
