i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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