When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want nice things and good sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
