even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
