I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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