hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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