apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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