So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
