Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize