i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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