Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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