I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
