Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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