hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
