i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize