I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
