summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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