Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
