I think I died a long time ago.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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