he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
