i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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