You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
