I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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