im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
