im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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