ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
