This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
