Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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