hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
