I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Randomize
