You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize