I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize