I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
