Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
