I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
is it fun? or sober?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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