You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
