The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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