great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
