So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
