I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
