Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
