WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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